


moments

by mabufus



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, anderperry drabbles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-05-01 09:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14517585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabufus/pseuds/mabufus
Summary: Moments between Todd and Neil.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don't know how many i'm going to write, but i've been in the mood lately to write anderperry drabbles so here we are!! i really like writing them because i think their friendship/relationship is really cute and also dead poets society ruined me. love the movie tho it's my favorite. thanks for reading friends!

After the meetings, when it was just the two of them, Neil would go over how exciting it was and how amazing and fun it was to be a part of something secretive. Todd remembers him saying, “ _It’s just our little thing, you know? We’re free to be who we really are. Do you think Keating ever felt that way?_ ”

Most of the time, Todd would just silently listen to Neil. To someone else, it would seem as if he was rambling on, but Neil saw him smile as he watched him, and he smiled in return.

Todd replied very quietly, “ _Yeah, I think he did_.”

On nights when they didn’t have meetings, Neil always spoke of poems that he wanted to read for the next one. “ _A poem by Walt Whitman, in honor of our Captain, the amazing Keating._ ” He said. When Todd didn’t reply, Neil looked over to see him lost in thought.

“ _You okay there?_ ” Neil said, laughing.

Todd had been staring at Neil. He is shaken out of his trance, face a bright vermilion. A shy little nod in reply. Todd thinks about reading a poem. He keeps his mouth shut and watches as Neil flips through the poetry book they got in class, looking for something by Whitman that wasn’t _O Captain My Captain_.

When his efforts turn fruitless, Todd giggles when Neil says, “ _Maybe we can dedicate a meeting to him some other time._ ” and tosses the book on his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Todd remembers the first day of school, Neil sat next to him at lunch. Todd didn’t say anything, just ate silently, but noticed that Neil didn’t seem to mind. He kept on smiling at him, while also silently eating.

“ _You can go eat with your friends if you want,_ ” Todd mumbles, pointing over to the future pledges, who’d been watching from another table to see what would happen next.

Neil looks quizzically at him. “ _I am, though?_ ”

Todd is too embarrassed by the reply to say anything else, and tries to focus on the not so appealing cafeteria food set in front of them.

Neil chuckles and pats him on the shoulder.

They both continue to eat in silence, smiles on their faces. Todd is blushing a bright red.


	3. Chapter 3

One night there was a Dead Poets Society meeting dedicated to Neil. It was the night before he was to be in _Midnight Summer’s Dream_. They all pile into the cave, everyone slapping Neil supportively on the back as they went.

“What’s your favorite line from the play, actor boy?” Charlie, now Nuwanda, asks. He vows this time to not bring girls to this meeting, upon Neil’s request.

The pledges watch in awe as Neil delivers his lines flawlessly. They aren’t surprised, of course.

Todd feels his heart begin to beat faster than normal. Perhaps because as Neil spoke his favorite lines, he inched towards him, staring him in the eyes. He thinks for a moment, of putting his heart over his chest to stop the pledges from hearing it, but he thinks maybe that they can’t hear it. But as Neil smiles at him and he winks, he thinks maybe they can hear it after all. The whole situation makes him blush.

When he’s done, there’s a lot of wooing and cheering and a very loud, “ _Take your shirt off!_ ” from Nuwanda as Neil bows.

Neil laughs, covering his face. “ _This play really is a dream come true. Can you believe tomorrow I get to act?_ ”

He becomes a bit quiet after that. Though the pledges can’t seem to decipher exactly what that means, they still hype him up with a chorus of, “ _Yeah! And you’re going to be amazing!_ ”

Todd is louder than the rest of them. That gains back Neil’s smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i should explain that these are gonna be random they're not really in chronological order of the movie or anything! i just write them as they come to me tbh! i'm also working on a separate dps fic rn too! also, i want most of these to be happy because...well....You Know. but there probably are going to be sad ones Whoops. thanks for everyone's comments so far!

They share their first (unexpected) kiss on Todd’s birthday.

It happens during the desk set fiasco Todd’s parents had presented him with. Todd didn’t mean to do it. Maybe. He wasn’t really sure. It just kind of. Happened.

Todd tells himself that it’s the adrenaline that’s flowing through his veins after throwing the desk set off the roof. Todd had mostly lived a life of being silent and careful to not stand out, so throwing a desk set off the roof, _of his school no less_ , left his heart beating a mile a minute.

Todd had never kissed anyone before; not anyone of any gender. This kiss is awkward; so awkward, he’s not even sure it _classifies_ as a kiss. He just, kind of, well, _smashed_ his lips against Neil’s. He was not well-versed in the _romance_ department. In any way, shape, or form.

Once he realizes what he’s done, he quickly backs away from Neil who is frozen in place.

For the first time in his life, Todd curses out loud.

“ _Shit_ ,” he mumbles. “I—Neil, I—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that…I—”

A smile tugs at Neil’s lips.

Todd is confused. _Very confused._ He can still hear his heart beating. A full smile from Neil lets him know that he can hear it, too.

“I’m so sorry—” Todd’s voice grows small instantly.

“Todd—” Neil tries, but Todd won’t let him finish.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

“Todd, I’m not—”

Another interruption; the same apology. A delayed blush had spread across his cheeks.

Neil starts to laugh.

Todd is even more confused than before. Especially when Neil grabs his face and plants a lot less awkward kiss on his lips.

“O-Oh,” is the only thing Todd can say, and he smiles.

Neil laughs again. “Yeah.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> embarrassed neil? embarrassed neil.
> 
> if you have any ideas or anything you'd wanna see feel free to comment!!

When the Dead Poets meetings had first started, Todd stuck to Neil like glue, clutching the back of Neil’s shoulder gently as the pledges made their way into the cave. No one said a word about it, but there was a smile that tugged at Neil’s lips when he did so.

It was pretty obvious there was something going on between the two of them. Just not to the party themselves.

Then there comes the day that it’s actually _super_ obvious to one of them.

Neil.

 And when he realizes it, his eyes widen and he quietly whispers to himself, “ _Oh_.”

They’re in English class when he has his epiphany. He kind of definitely, _really_ likes Todd. And they’re also kind of _definitely_ dating, and they both _didn’t_ know it.

“ _Neil_ ,” Keating says, “ _are you alright?_ ”

The whole room goes quiet.

Neil blushes. Even more so when Todd turns around quickly to make sure that Neil was alright.

“ _Yes sir_ ,” Neil croaks, feeling absolutely embarrassed for accidentally making a scene in the middle of class.

A few classmates chuckle, but are cut short when Keating says, “ _Quiet now,_ ” in a stern, but soft voice.

Neil saw a brief sigh of relief from Todd before he had turned around.

He finds himself smiling at this, and he sees Keating watching him. Keating gives him a quick smile and then continues his lesson.

When he faced the blackboard, Neil lightly taps Todd’s shoulder. “ _We need to talk after class_ ,” he whispers and instantly sees his shoulders tense up.

“ _O-Okay_ ,” Todd whispers back.

After that, the 15 minutes that were left of class felt like an eternity. Once it had ended, he saw Todd stand up like a zombie, moving slowly but surely.

“ _Our room_?” Neil suggests. They’ve only a few minutes between classes, but this conversation needed to be private.

Todd doesn’t say a word, but nods. He follows Neil back to their room, still silent, his eyes on Neil.

Once the door is shut, Neil blurts out, “ _I think we’re dating._ ”

“ _W-What?_ ” Todd sputters, and it confirms that Neil was right. He had no idea either. They had gotten so used to each other it was like nothing had ever changed.

“ _We’re…we’re kind of dating a little bit…I think._ ” Neil laughs nervously, which was quite a sight to behold. Neil Perry was never nervous. “ _I don’t…I think we might’ve even skipped the friendship part altogether…this…it doesn’t just seem like friendship to me, Todd. We’re together all the time, always leaning on each other. We laugh at inside jokes we don’t want to share with the others._ ” Neil is rather embarrassed, but he presses on. “ _I really like you, Todd. I think you’re really wonderful. I feel like…I feel like when I’m with you I can be my one and true self. I think you bring out the best in me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, really. It’s kind of new to me._ ” He stops speaking and waits for Todd to answer.

For a brief moment, Todd doesn’t say anything, and Neil is afraid he’s ruined everything. He’s right, though. He knows he is. This wasn’t a friendship. At least not any friendship he’s ever experienced before.

“ _I…I think I feel the same._ _All the things you said…I feel the same way, but I couldn’t ever put it into words... I’ve never really had friends before, but this was definitely different. You got me out of my shell. I was so happy to see you and I never really knew why. I just figured I was happy because I had made my first friend, but it was more than that. I couldn’t put my finger on it…until now._ ” Todd is refusing to look at Neil during his whole…confession. Neil doesn’t mind this, as he could barely look at Todd himself.

“ _So…what do you want to do?_ ” Neil asks. He feels the sudden urge to take Todd’s hand, but is unsure if he should. He stares at his hand a moment, deciding on whether or not it would be okay.

They both finally find the courage to look at each other, both blushing a deep crimson.

“ _K-Keep dating?_ ” Todd asks. “ _But maybe both of us could be aware of it this time. A-And make it official?_ ”

Neil nods, smiling. “ _I was hoping you’d say that_ ,” and he finally takes a hold of Todd’s hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO sorry i've been gone for so long, i moved recently and then i went on vacation and spent time with family! but i'm back now! i've been in a writing mood lately so hopefully i'll be able to post more drabbles!!! also sorry this one is so short!!!

Welton doesn’t have dances, but that doesn’t stop Neil and Todd for having one of their own. The Dead Poets meetings had been moved to next week since Knox couldn’t make the one this week; Neil remembers vaguely Knox saying something about how he had his first official date with Chris so he wouldn’t be able to make the meeting. There had been talk of just having the meeting without Knox, but Neil stopped that idea fairly quickly; it’s not a meeting unless every pledge is there.

There’s a radio sitting on Neil’s nightstand, softly playing _Time After Time_ by Chet Baker. To Todd’s surprise, Neil knew all the words to the song. At first, he had just been humming along but then he took Todd’s hand, and pulled him to the middle of their room. He started singing the song aloud, whispering it to Todd. He pulls him into a slow dance.

He doesn’t realize that he’s doing it, but Todd lays his head against Neil’s shoulder as they begin to sway back and forth. Neil holds on to him tight, still singing.

“ _And time after time, you’ll hear me say that I’m so lucky to be loving you_ ,” he sings, and Todd buries himself into Neil’s shoulder. Neil can feel the warmth from his face, along with his own.

Neil laughs. “ _Do you know this song?_ ”

“ _I…I don’t. But I really like it._ ”

Neil smiles.

“ _I do, too_.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit longer and could probably be a standalone tbh, but i wrote it for this specifically so! here we are. two updates in one day to make up for me being gone for so long!

Within the first two days of dating, they’re holding hands. Todd doesn’t know if it’s too fast, because he doesn’t know _anything_ when he’s holding Neil’s hand. He’s too distracted by the thought of his hand possibly getting too sweaty and grossing Neil out.

They decide to keep it a secret from the pledges for a while, or at the very least, _try to_ , but Charlie finds out almost immediately what they’re up to and has absolutely no problem relaying the fact that they’re a _thing_ to the rest of the pledges. During a meeting.

Everyone except Cameron pipes up that they already knew. Neil laughs an uncharacteristic shy laugh. Todd is always laughing nervously, but this time it’s more of a _oh cool everyone is literally looking at me right now_ nervous laugh. Neil senses this and squeezes his hand tight.

Knox proposes the idea of a double date. Neil already knows already without having to confirm with Todd that it’s a bad idea, and he politely declines.

“ _For now_ ,” Neil says when Knox’s face drops, “Everything is still new…for everyone.”

Neil doesn’t want to admit it, but Todd is actually his first significant other. He’s had crushes of course, but anxiety kept him from letting things with that person move forward. He’d always been stuck in a _what if I’m not good enough for them_ kind of mode. Which was another thing that very unlike Neil. He didn’t let anybody know about that, except for Todd.

* * *

 

Within a few days the pledges (although it was mostly, _only_ , Charlie) had grown tired of making kissy faces at the pair when meetings would start.

Knox is the only one who defends them. “They’re in love, leave them alone, Charlie! You don’t know the feeling we do.”

Neil and Todd are too embarrassed to say anything, but Charlie is not. They’d only been dating for a month now, so the L word was something the pair was embarrassed to hear; especially if it concerned the both of them.

“I don’t think anyone knows what you feel, Knox,” he says. He lays the poem he brought with him for the meeting down next to him.

Knox waves him off when everyone chuckles slightly. “Whatever,” he mumbles. He smiles though when Neil gives him a warm smile; an unspoken _thank you_.

Todd can barely look anyone in the eyes, but he’s smiling too. He’s comfortable around everyone, but being in the spotlight like that reminded him of when Keating had him come up with a poem on the spot in front of everyone in class. The thought made him shiver. Neil grabs his hand immediately and squeezes it, as if he's in _Protect Todd_ mode.

“Are you alright, Todd?” Neil whispers.

“Y-Yes.” Todd feels like he’s in the spotlight again, but Neil by his side closer than ever, it didn’t seem so bad.

Neil wraps his free arm around him and pulls him close.

“Good. Let’s start the meeting then, shall we?”

The pledges all nod in agreement.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for the warm welcome back!! you guys have made my day with your nice comments; i really do appreciate every single one of them! and i appreciate you, too! i also watched dps again the other night and realized that todd doesn't sit in front of neil in class just pretend that he does so that one drabble makes sense thank u kldjsfhg

Although used to reading poems read by published authors, the pledges decide to write their own poems. They decide to give themselves a deadline of two weeks. They’re allowed to write about anything they want, as long as it doesn’t seem like it would harm the Dead Poets Society image.

Once the meeting is over, they all go back to their respective rooms, quietly, so they don’t get in trouble by any of the teachers.

"Why is this more exciting then when we had to do this in class?" Knox says as they enter Welton.

"Because we can write about whatever we want," Charlie says, slapping him on the back.

"Couldn't we do that in class, too?"

" _No we could not_ ," Charlie replies immediately, giving Knox a seductive grin.

Knox slaps him away. "Grow up, Charlie."

Neil eyes Charlie. "Remember the rule," he says and Charlie winks at him. He rolls his eyes and smiles.

* * *

 

Todd can’t go to sleep. Usually it’s a huge wave of insomnia that causes Todd being awake into the wee hours of the night, but this time it’s something completely different.

He wants to write his poem about Neil. But he doesn’t want to make it obvious.

 But it’s going to be _very_ obvious, because they just started dating.

“Do you know what your poem is going to be about, Todd?” Neil asks.

He must not be able to sleep either, because Todd knows that it is exactly 1:43am. Insomnia was unfriendly, and by living with it for years he almost always knew what time it was. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“Not really,” Todd says, which isn’t exactly a lie, but it’s not the truth either. He's too embarrassed to admit he thought of writing about Neil as soon as the poem had been assigned to everyone.

“I was thinking of writing mine about you, if that’s alright.”

Todd freezes, unable to think of a response. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He pulls the covers up over his face, disappearing completely from Neil’s sight. “Y-Yes, you can write about me. C-Can I do the same?”

Neil laughs, “Of course you can. I’d be delighted to hear what you think of me; I very much look forward to it, even. After that poem you did in class, I can't wait to see what you write next. I know it'll be just as lovely as you.”

Todd makes an undecipherable noise and he laughs once more, “You’re adorable, Todd.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i...i don't know i'm actually gonna write the poems tbh. this idea just seemed v cute to me! maybe some time in the future? none of these drabbles are connected so far, and i don't know if they will be in the future! only time will tell, i suppose!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back (back again) hello sorry for another unexpected hiatus!!! my laptop battery died so i was without a laptop for a few months, but i got a new one for christmas! here's a really long chapter to compensate :p

Neil can pinpoint the exact moment he realized he had feelings for Todd.

He may be thought of as weird for thinking so, but it was the moment he catches Todd with his desk set. He remembers feeling sort of frazzled seeing Todd so sad, and he remembers wanting to make feel Todd better so badly he could feel it in his _bones_.

He’d never really felt this way towards anybody before; at least not this strongly. There had been people he had crushes on, but he let them go in fear of his father finding out and having to let the relationship eventually end. For a long time, he didn’t let himself grow close to anyone.

But for some strange reason, Todd is somebody Neil can’t seem to let go of. He can’t stop thinking about him; can’t stop thinking about doing little things throughout the day to make his day brighter. These feelings are deep, and Neil is somewhat afraid; frightened how easily these feelings had deepened over such a short amount of time.

He isn’t sure if Todd knows, and he thinks for a brief time that maybe it’s best if he doesn’t. Neil doesn’t want to ruin a friendship, and possibly let Todd go back into his shell. Todd’s smile alone was what got Neil through the day when he wasn’t feeling his best. It felt embarrassing to think of it at times, especially during meetings. Todd always sat next to Neil, and he hadn’t even really noticed it until he realized his feelings for him. It was embarrassing how happy it made him, really. Since starting up the Dead Poets Society again, Todd had become friends with everyone, and yet he still chose to sit next to Neil every single time.

He thought about asking Todd about it one time, but the thought made his whole body turn a rosy red from embarrassment. He also didn’t want to scare Todd away from him. Always being able to sit next to the boy he liked was a dream, and if it was, he never wanted to wake up. Neil always felt a bit special that he was closer to Todd than the other pledges, but it’s not something he’s going to admit.

For now, Neil is content with the way things are. Getting to see Todd everyday was enough for him, even though sometimes it felt like his heart was going to burst. It was another thing that he had never felt towards anyone before. It was a bit exciting and terrifying at the same time; even painful at times. One smile from Todd was all it took. Neil had found himself having to look away, while also possibly avoiding a _very_ confused look from Todd.

One time when Neil looked away Todd had asked him if he was alright, and Neil, who was head to toe crimson red, shyly replied that yes, he was, he just got something in his eye. Somewhat satisfied with his answer, Todd didn't inquire further. Neil thanked every deity he could possibly think of.

The only pledge who figured out what was going on was Knox, and like the good friend and pledge he was, promised Neil that he would keep it a secret. He says he knew it because of the way he would gaze at Todd from afar. The way he described it was poetic, almost. Neil thanked him with a hug. Knox wished him the best of luck on their possible future endeavors. Neil blushed.

\--

One very late night, Todd awkwardly and sort of loudly asks Neil if he has a crush on anyone. This is out of the blue, and he immediately sits upright in his bed. Voice shaking and a million thoughts running through his mind, he asks Todd why such a random question. It’s dark, so he can’t exactly see, but he somehow gets the vibe that Todd is disappointed that he answered his question with another one.

Todd waves his question off, saying it doesn’t matter and that he was just curious. He shifts in his bed uncomfortably, and Neil can tell he’s facing away from him now. Neil feels horrible. He wants to shout it from the Welton rooftops that he likes Todd Anderson; wants _everyone_ to know of his feelings for Todd, but what if the feelings aren’t reciprocated? What if Todd gets uncomfortable and requests a different roommate? He couldn’t bear the thought; it was too painful. He does not want to grow distant with Todd.

Neil asks the question back. Todd is quiet. For a moment, Neil thinks he’s upset because he didn’t answer. He’s about to say he doesn’t have to answer when Todd does. He says yes, and Neil feels the most horrible sinking feeling in his stomach he’s ever felt in his life. Neil says that it’s wonderful that he’s found someone to like but doesn’t feel like saying much else. He’s not sure if he can. His heart feels like it’s going to burst; but not in the _you make my heart so happy_ kind of way.

Another few minutes go by and Todd doesn’t say anything else again. Neil doesn’t either.

“ _It’s, um, you that I like_.” Todd mumbles after 4 minutes of silence. Neil had begun to count. “ _Ever since the desk set thing…I…_ ” Todd says the next part particularly fast. “ _startedtolikeyou_.”

Neil freezes for a second. _Is_ this actually a dream? There’s no way that Todd is confessing his feelings right now. This is a dream and he’s still asleep.  

“ _Are you okay? Did I freak you out?_ ” Todd shifts in his bed again, facing Neil.

Through the darkness, Neil is barely able to make out Todd’s face. He sees a look of concern, and he begins to laugh.

“ _Neil?_ ” Todd tries again.

Neil smiles, though he’s not entirely sure if Todd can see it. It might be better if he can’t; Neil is feeling _mighty_ embarrassed right now. He’s also the happiest he’s ever been. And it’s all thanks to the boy in the bed across from him.

“ _I just…think that it’s really funny we began to like each other at the same time. How often does that happen? And here you are worried about freaking me out when I was worried about freaking_ you _out._ That _doesn’t happen very often either.”_

“ _Freaking me out_?” Todd says quietly to himself. Neil can make out a confused expression on his face. He can see the gears in his mind begin to move and mull over what he just said. Todd’s eyes widen. “ _Y-You like me too?_ ”

“ _Of course; you’re the most brilliant and charming person I’ve ever met. You take my breath away._ ” There’s a smile at the end of his sentence, though he barely manages to get it out in the first place.

“ _W-Wow…_ ” Neil can picture the flustered look he probably has on his face.

A streetlamp turns on outside the window and Neil is surprised to see that Todd was also now sitting up in bed.

They look at each other for a moment and they both smile. Neil’s heart feels like it’s going to burst again, and this time it’s in the _you make my heart so happy_ kind of way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm baaaack again. i had a drabble i wrote on my phone so i decided to add it as well for another quick update since i've been gone for so long. enjoy! i'm not going to update this frequently all the time, i should probably add. i have two jobs and a member of my family passed away recently so i don't really have a lot of energy right now for anything.

Neil Perry is a breath of fresh air. That is what Todd remembers thinking the very first moment he meets him. He was always smiling, always throwing around a friend next to him, an uproarious laughter erupting from his mouth. To Todd Anderson, he was perfect.

For someone who spent a majority of his life trying to live in the shadows and keep from normal societal interactions with pretty much _anyone_ , he would’ve rejected a boy like Neil Perry.

And at first, he _did_. Any invitation to a study group was met with an immediate and quiet “no thank you” and while most people would’ve taken that first no as a final one, Neil kept trying to reel Todd in like he was some huge fish that he really wanted, needed, even.

It made Todd wonder why Neil wanted him to be included in his circle so much. He barely spoke to anyone when he entered Welton, and that was only when he absolutely had to, but most of the time he didn’t.

It was hard for Todd to give him that first no. The smile Neil gave him so proudly when inviting him for a group study was as bright as the sun, and while very cliché, Todd found himself having to look away because it was _too_ bright. His first no was mumbled, and Neil was still smiling. Todd was confused.

The second no was also met with a mumbled “no thank you”, and Todd finds this rejection harder than the last. He wants to say yes, but his anxiety shuts his mouth as tight as a clam shell and he ends up trying his hardest to focus on his schoolwork instead. That’s what he should’ve been doing in the first place, he thinks to himself. Not spending a majority of his time thinking about this Neil Perry boy who so badly wanted him to give him the time of day.

When asked to join the Dead Poets Society, Todd’s anxiety shoots through the roof. He and Neil are a bit closer by then. Todd finds that he shouldn’t shun his roommate out completely, even though he rejects his invitations almost on the daily.

Neil notices that Todd freezes in place.

“ _You can just keep count of the minutes,_ ” Neil says quickly. “ _you don’t have to read_.”

Todd feels a bit better about that. If he’s being completely honest, he was already interested in joining before Neil even asked, because of Keating.

Keating was a very unique teacher, unlike any other teacher Todd had ever had in his life. He had a zest for life while the rest of the Welton staff made it seem like they’d rather be anywhere else. Once his old club had been dug up from many years ago, Todd wanted to know what it would be like to be Keating; to live a life like he does.

Another small factor was Neil himself would be there. Nobody needed to know that though; especially Neil.

“ _Todd? If you don’t want to join, it’s alr_ —” Neil pipes up.

“ _I’ll join_.”

Neil smiles his famous smile once more. “ _Splendid._ ”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think. in the future i might add some sad ones. i wrote one up the other day but i don't know if i'm going to upload it. but there's probably going to be sad drabbles sometime in the future.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha ummmmmmmm this one is sad sorry whoops. also i changed the title from small moments to just moments cause some of the moments between neil and todd are not very small lmao the next drabble will be happy i promise!!!!!!!! again thanks for reading u guys are wonderful and i appreciate u!!!!!!! 
> 
> also thinking about writing a small au for the next one possibly?? maybe. don't take my word for it dkjgfh it's a very indie movie tho....hope you guys like dr. horrible's sing along blog. if you haven't seen it someone uploaded it on youtube and you should watch it

When the word’s “Neil’s dead.” Enters his ears, Todd Anderson freezes. His body is immovable, despite the pledges trying to move him multiple times.

Charlie looks at him worriedly, trying to think of something—anything to say that would help. He closes his mouth when he comes to the decision that there isn’t anything he can say.

Suddenly, Todd gets up. He doesn’t say a word; just gets up and puts on his coat and leaves his dorm room.

“Todd,” the pledges call, but they’re ignored. Todd keeps on walking, squeezing his hands into fists so tight his knuckles turn white.

He exits Welton, the pledges following closely behind. The door shuts loudly with a _thud_. The pledges are calling his name, but Todd doesn’t hear them anymore. The only that echoes in his head is the fact that Neil Perry is dead. The boy he fell head over heels in love with no longer existed. He was dead, and there was nothing he could do.

Todd keeps walking, his feet slowly trudging in the snow. He stops. He looks up at the sky, watching the snowflakes making their presence known on his coat.

“It’s so beautiful,” he says quietly.

He squeezes his eyes shut, because surely if he does it for long enough then he’ll eventually snap out of this nightmare. When he awakens next, Neil will be beside him asking what kind of poetry they should read at the next meeting. He’ll smile at Todd and gently touch his shoulder while trying to take a peek at his notebook. Todd had begun to write more poems since Keating practically debuted him during class. Todd will playfully push him away and they’ll both laugh and be frozen in time, just the two of them.

But the only thing that’s frozen now is Todd’s whole body as he falls hard to the ground on his knees. He begins to shout. It was Neil’s father that did this. He shouts to no one in particular. Todd Anderson sees red.

The pledges tackle him and try their best to shush him. They all throw their arms around him to attempt to hug him. The attempt is futile, but they still hug him as tight as they can.

“It’s okay Todd,” they all shout, but Todd refuses to believe them. It’s _not_ okay, he wants to say. Wants to shout from the rooftops. How is it okay if he can never see Neil again?

He shakes his head wildly, tears streaming down his face. He breaks out of the pledges’ grip and begins to run away from them. He can’t breathe. He needs to be alone. He needs to see Neil. He needs to see him. _He needs to see him and talk to him so that everything will be okay_. He needs confirmation that this just one horrible nightmare. He wants this more than anything he's ever wanted in his whole entire life.

“Todd!” a few of the pledges shout.

“Let him be,” Charlie says miserably. 

Todd runs so fast he falls in the snow. He slowly gets back up and keeps running, shouting Neil’s name over and over again until his throat feels raw. He keeps falling until he finally just lays in the snow for a few minutes shouting into the ground that it's a nightmare. If he shouts it enough it'll be true.

Until the funeral, at least.

 


End file.
